I am a failure and so are you. Before you freak out, let me explain.
Our entire life we have been fed expectations. How to look, how to dress, how to talk, what to think, who to like, how to serve, etc. For some of us, this has been extreme. There was a critical person in my life making the expectations more drastic and I know I’m not the only one.
I just watched the movie “Turning Red” and there was a line in it that was so triggering for me. I sobbed. The main character screamed at her mom, “I’m sorry; I’m not perfect like you.” That was so hard for me because even in the last year of my mom’s life, I had screamed that same line at her. Every time I didn’t do things the way she wanted, every time there was a critical slur thrown my way, I knew I didn’t meet her expectations. I felt like a failure and like I would never measure up or be enough.
Here are some things to consider. She said those things because she felt them about herself. She too was striving to be perfect and spent her days with an inner critic saying awful things to herself. She too believed she was not enough and would never measure up.
More importantly, I could not ever live up to her expectations. That’s the truth. I couldn’t because number one, they were unrealistic expectations. Number two, I am a completely different person. I am motivated by different things. I have experienced different things. I see the world through different lenses. I would have to completely change me into her ideal version of herself in order to achieve her version of perfection. Her ideal wasn’t even based on her soul’s point of view, it was all the expectations she was fed.
Who told us what was perfect? Our parents, society, church, and even what we thought they implied but didn’t say. How many of those ideas are based on the real you? on God’s truth? Are they giving you guidelines based on your uniqueness in the world? Of course not.
Based on the fact that none of these ideas are taking into consideration the soul that is you, it is literally impossible to achieve this perfection. Therefore, we are all failures. YAY for that because do you really want to change yourself into some idea of perfect that has nothing to do with you? I don’t want to succeed at their ideals. In this way, I want to be a failure.
It’s important for us to redefine what failure means and even what perfection means. My new definition is: Failure is not meeting outside expectations. The reality is, when we get in tune with what our soul desires, we are so excited to be that way and do those things that we don’t quit, we don’t fail UNLESS we still have outside expectations getting in our way.
Who would you be without the expectations of the world, your family, etc? What would you do?
Sometimes that’s hard. We have been so busy trying to be what everyone wants, we forget who we are. For me, I ask God to give me insight into my truth. I also tune into those times when I do feel expansive, blissful, and at peace. I know that is the real me. If I were making decisions from that place, what would I decide?
The truth is, since failure is meeting outside expectations, I want to be a failure. I want to be ME. The beautiful, calm, peaceful me that is so full of love. From that space, how could I ever choose in a way that would harm me or those I love?
Some of you Obligers are freaking out. (See last week’s post if you don’t know what I mean.) I know you are wired to meet the expectations of others. Maybe a solution would be seeking God’s True expectations, after all, if you believe in God do you really want to disappoint? Or, maybe it’s about not letting down your soul. There is a solution for you to let go of the false ideas of perfection.
The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I am such a failure at _____,” look at what external expectations you aren’t meeting. Who told you what being a good mom looks like? Who told you what being a good wife looks like? Who told you what being a good person looks like? As the song says, “Who said you’re not perfect?” What would you choose if you listened to your soul?
With love from my heart to yours,
Michele
This article was transferred from my blogger blog.